What today really is...

So today what do I say? It has been an emotional day. I have not broken down as much as I thought but I have had moments. I grieve and I believe I always will but at the same time I am happy. How can I not be? I could have very well lost both of my girls. Don't get me wrong as I have said before Aaliyah can NEVER take Natalia's place but I could be grieving for both. I could be the mom who has no living children but I am not I have Aaliyah and even if that is all I am blessed with I will be happy. Many don't know that I had given up, I really felt that we would not become parents. I swear a week or two later we suspected but how could it be I wasn't even late. We confirmed but didn't want to get to excited. Than we found out and the rest is history.

I asked that family and friends light a candle in her memory and the response is overwhelming.It seems like the world is lit up just for my sweet Natalia. Some have been incredibly creative with it. Some have made sweet statements. We feel so blessed to have such a wonderful circle. As we continue to recieve candles we feel humbled and so beyond loved.

The one thing that haunts me is a single thought that kept running through my head when this all happened, her tiny body was inside me and was not going to leave until I had to deliver her sister. The longer I kept Aaliyah inside the longer I held onto Natalia. I didn't really have to say goodbye. I knew she was gone but I had to hold her to trully say goodbye. I want today to be her day and our wonderful friends and family made it so.

Natalia my sweet baby girl, my forever baby, I love you and miss you beyond belief and know you will always be here with us. In mind, in spirit and in your sister. I wish I could hold you and tell you I love you but for now that isn't possible but some day we will all be together again as the family we should have been till than rest well sweet angel of mine.

Today is not a day of mourning but a day of remembrance.