Yes that day we heard that twins could be risky, but of course it didn't register in that moment. I just kept thing my ultimate childhood dream was coming true.
This will be a why me section...
Why did I lose my girl when she was so wanted?
Why was it my body handled the pregnancy well but I still lost her?
Why have other people managed to have twins just to hurt them? (In 2011 a mom stuck her identical twin infant daughters in her trunk and let them die. Also know of twins in foster care due to extreme neglect.)
Why couldn't she have made it a little longer? Just a few more weeks and maybe just maybe she would have made it.
Why if I did everything right did this happen to me?
This will be a Could I section...
Could I have done something different?
Could I have had more faith that she was going to make it?
Could I have pushed harder to look at them sooner?
This will be a Did I section...
Did I do something wrong?
Did I continue to work when I should have left?
Did I let the stress of work and life effect the girls?
Now that I have said that, I will say this...
Why because nothing comes with a guarantee. I did everything I could do. I wasn't really that stressed, annoyed more than stressed. I will be sad but celebrate this day as it should because despite the loss it is STILL a celebration of the day I found out I was carrying two precious lives inside of me. It was the day that my dream came true and my life changed yet again.
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