Even though I have a headache and life is crazy I can say I am happy. I will always struggle with Natalias loss. How can I not? She is my daughter, my first. My Baby A, my sweet Froggy A, my angel monkey. I bet some wonder why I say she is my first, why because I saw her first, she was Baby A, and she was the first one they took out when I had my csection.
I struggle as Aaliyah's birthday draws near because it should be a celebration of two birthdays. It will be a bittersweet day. While some may not understand EVERYTHING will always be bittersweet but it doesn't mean I am not happy. Sometimes you need to step away to truly heal and find the peace you need. Sometimes seeing something day in day out just makes it worse. If someone doesn't understand they never will and honestly I hope they don't ever have to understand what I went through.
Just because I struggle doesn't mean that I don't look forward to it because I do! See for us it isn't just celebrating the day Aaliyah was born. It is celebrating she is alive. Celebrating that despite the tragic loss of Natalia we have Aaliyah. We could have lost them both. Things like this can destroy couples, families and despite it we are stronger. We love each other and have I think found each other in a different way, strengths we didn't know we had. We have faced challenges and adversity but nothing compares to losing our daughter.
Well that was all and forgot to post it so now this is Random Early Morning Thoughts in the afternoon!
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