What Dreams Can Do

I had a dream last night and man it was painful. In it some people were stealing babies and they took the girls. I was going crazy searching and I would get close but not find them. I felt like I let them down, I felt such intense pain. I finally awoke in a panic and started to look for the girls. Than it hit me only Aaliyah was here. Natalia is not here, I did lose her. 

At this point it is almost 24hrs since I had and the pain is still there. I feel a deep sense of loss, of failure, of anger, of helplessness. I could go on but it's hard to explain the full range of emotions I am feeling.

Told a few and most were just sorry supportive but of course did not understand. Some truly felt my grief, and I could tell they knew what I was going through. Now some kind of sort of brushed it off. They were sorry but barely said that before they continued on something else. I left it at that because I knew they just didn't know what to say. Won't lie it did sting a little, but I understand. 

The dream really shook me but I think with all the planning for Aaliyahs birthday party it is just bringing up a lot of emotions. Over all I am doing good, better since I took a step back from somethings. Many can not understand what I am going through. You can experience the loss at many stages but for the most part you "deal" with it right away. I on the other found out June 4th and didn't truly get to say goodbye until Sept 7th,that is a long time of "pretending" everything is okay. Now things are calm and I am not pretending.