I am sitting here trying to figure out where to start this blog post today. It's crazy how much can happen in such a short time.
It's now June 20th, on June 4th it was two years to the day that we found out we lost Natalia. It was a bittersweet day, because it also happened to be the day Melody turned two months old. Two years since I lost Natalia and two months since I delivered Melody. A whirlwind of emotions. This year to celebrate we had people write, draw, etc Natalia's name. Some very creative pictures made it to us. I will share those at some point in the near future.
I can't explain what it feels like to lose your daughter. It's something that changes you deep inside. You lose a part of your soul, your heart, pretty much everything that makes you who you are. You are forever changed. Natalia is a very important part of who I am. She is forever my baby. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. That I don't wonder what she would be like. What she would like to play. While some wonder what their child would look like. I know she'd have big brown eyes with beautiful eye lashes. Light brown hair with streaks of blond just starting to curl. She'd have long legs and lanky arms. Just like her identical twin, her other half my big baby girl Aaliyah.
On to my sweet little Melody. What can I say shes my mellow Melody. Such a calm easy going little girl. Breast feeding to me is new. With Aaliyah I pumped, while I knew it was best for her there wasn't that awe that others speak of. I'd defend anyone's right to feed in public however they wanted but didn't think I'd do it. Now look at me! I've breast fed in our car, in breast feeding lounges, fitting rooms, the drive-in, the aquarium, and the zoo. I understand that feeling of my baby is hungry and I don't care if it makes someone uncomfortable. My baby is healthy and growing beautifully. She's smiling, and grabbing things. She's chattering away. Holding up her head, she's laughing and wrapping us around her finger.
Now Aaliyah has a whole lot going on let's start with her teeth. Being a late teether she's having a very hard time with them coming all at once. We have to get her into the dentist. She has an eye exam in July. Neuro in July. GI in August.
Now on the sucky side of things. Aaliyah was really not herself on Monday night, when it continued into Tuesday we took her into the pediatrician. They weighed her and that alone bothered me. She had lost two ounces in thirteen days which with teething and a slight upper respitory cold is considered normal. For Aaliyah that is not a good thing, she does not have weight to lose. So we started discussing her tube placement, switching to a different type of tube, and if her stomach was growing. I mentioned how we were trying to increase the feeds but every time we do she throws up, so the doctor said we may have to consider a hospital stay. I thought it would be worth going ahead and doing it. I'm struggling trying to increase her feeds and than feeling guilty because she throws up. I brought up if we could try and get some test she needs out of the way and she said that we should be able to. So now I will call Monday and see if we have an update. So even though we have plans for this summer we may have to change things but for her we will do whatever we have to do.
That's it for now. I have so much more to say but I think this is a good stopping point.
Edit to Add: her stroller was denied so fighting that. :/
It's now June 20th, on June 4th it was two years to the day that we found out we lost Natalia. It was a bittersweet day, because it also happened to be the day Melody turned two months old. Two years since I lost Natalia and two months since I delivered Melody. A whirlwind of emotions. This year to celebrate we had people write, draw, etc Natalia's name. Some very creative pictures made it to us. I will share those at some point in the near future.
I can't explain what it feels like to lose your daughter. It's something that changes you deep inside. You lose a part of your soul, your heart, pretty much everything that makes you who you are. You are forever changed. Natalia is a very important part of who I am. She is forever my baby. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. That I don't wonder what she would be like. What she would like to play. While some wonder what their child would look like. I know she'd have big brown eyes with beautiful eye lashes. Light brown hair with streaks of blond just starting to curl. She'd have long legs and lanky arms. Just like her identical twin, her other half my big baby girl Aaliyah.
On to my sweet little Melody. What can I say shes my mellow Melody. Such a calm easy going little girl. Breast feeding to me is new. With Aaliyah I pumped, while I knew it was best for her there wasn't that awe that others speak of. I'd defend anyone's right to feed in public however they wanted but didn't think I'd do it. Now look at me! I've breast fed in our car, in breast feeding lounges, fitting rooms, the drive-in, the aquarium, and the zoo. I understand that feeling of my baby is hungry and I don't care if it makes someone uncomfortable. My baby is healthy and growing beautifully. She's smiling, and grabbing things. She's chattering away. Holding up her head, she's laughing and wrapping us around her finger.
Now Aaliyah has a whole lot going on let's start with her teeth. Being a late teether she's having a very hard time with them coming all at once. We have to get her into the dentist. She has an eye exam in July. Neuro in July. GI in August.
Now on the sucky side of things. Aaliyah was really not herself on Monday night, when it continued into Tuesday we took her into the pediatrician. They weighed her and that alone bothered me. She had lost two ounces in thirteen days which with teething and a slight upper respitory cold is considered normal. For Aaliyah that is not a good thing, she does not have weight to lose. So we started discussing her tube placement, switching to a different type of tube, and if her stomach was growing. I mentioned how we were trying to increase the feeds but every time we do she throws up, so the doctor said we may have to consider a hospital stay. I thought it would be worth going ahead and doing it. I'm struggling trying to increase her feeds and than feeling guilty because she throws up. I brought up if we could try and get some test she needs out of the way and she said that we should be able to. So now I will call Monday and see if we have an update. So even though we have plans for this summer we may have to change things but for her we will do whatever we have to do.
That's it for now. I have so much more to say but I think this is a good stopping point.
Edit to Add: her stroller was denied so fighting that. :/
