Aaliyah's Artwork

This was her first one. Of course for Daddy.

So we are trying to take at least one day a week as an arts and crafts day. Right now Aaliyah is to small to do much so it consist of finger paints. Honestly it's fun! I love doing it and Aaliyah deals with the sensations of paints on her. So it is fun family time that doubles as therapy. Have to love that.

Be Happy

I hear that so often it makes me slightly nauseated but at the same time it's true. Thing is I feel like I have to say it to others. You have your child, and at some point they will walk, talk and do all the things an a typical kid does. I don't know how far my daughter will get. Of course I pray and hope she will do all those things but it may a harder, longer road.

By no means do I make less of that persons struggles but you have to keep in mind that we all have or strengths and weaknesses. We each handle adversity in our own way. I try am grateful for what I have but it doesn't make my pain less. It doesn't mean I don't grieve for the possible struggles Aaliyah will encounter. The things she might miss out on. The things I might miss out on.

The road as a parent is hard, with out the additional problems, and tragedies that we have encountered. We may just have one baby but our baby faces things that I pray she overcomes. Her path from the day she was born is an uphill battle. There is no surgery to fix what is wrong. No magic pill to balance her condition. Not that it is a bad thing, or that I love her less but life can be so hard with out the struggles she will face.

One thing I will continue to get pissed about is when people say be happy you have Aaliyah... Aaliyah no matter how loved she is, how perfect she is does not make up for losing Natalia. Natalia is a different baby girl, Aaliyah can not replace her.

Well done for now. I will be posting a blog real soon with some of Aaliyahs artwork. 

Bye for now.

Things I Associate with My Girls

Things that I associate with my girls...

Natalia:

• Dragonflies
• frogs
• monkeys
• faires
• butterflies
• dragons
• yellow
• pink
• red
• roses (flower for June)
• forget-me-nots
• calla lillies 
• Pearls (birth stone)

Aaliyah:

• Monkeys
• frogs
• dragons
• butterflies
• ducks
• phoenix
• green
• pink
• blue
• rainbows 
• bubbles
• asters (flower for Sept)
• calla lillies
• sapphire (birth stone)

Questions I Ask Myself

Will my daughter know me? Will she be able to tell me she loves me? Will she laugh...She laughed for the first time last week and she almost made her Daddy cry. I think this was a first that actually happened with him. 

When your child is a "normal" kid and they are a little behind, you know they will get there in their own time. Depending your childs disability your child may get there just later and in some cases never will. I try to focus on what she is doing and the joy she brings us but it can't stop me from thinking, I can't turn off my mind.

As we enter March so many appts but the most important thing? She turns 6 months tomorrow. At some point I will make a blog post about her ophthalmologist appt. For now going to go pump and than play with my baby! Peace out!

Gifts for My Girls

I love giving gifts and of course more so now with Aaliyah being here. It is something I am seriously loving. Now just because Natalia isn't "here" doesn't mean I won't buy for her, all though it is for me at the same time.

I love how much people love Aaliyah. She has "aunts" all over the world. So many people looking out for her. It means the world but what means the most to me are the people who love Natalia, who grieve for her. The people who take the time to get her gifts as well. The people who let me talk about her. The people who buy Aaliyah gifts, from her sister and to remind her of her sister. The people who buy me things that acknowledge both girls.

I am making a small Easter basket for Natalia. Her gifts may be different, not as large but she will get them.

I will post some that we have recieved some already and I plan on posting some pictures.

This beautiful little fairy baby was made by my amazing friend Minda, she has an amazing talent. This little baby lays on top of Natalias' urn and always will.

I had planned on getting both girls getting one with the date they were born.  My mom bought it for me shortly after we found out about Natalia.

This angel and the book behind it was a gift to Aaliyah from our friend Jessica. It was to make sure Aaliyah knows her angel is always with her.

This was a gift to Natalia from Robert, Aaliyah and me.

This was from our dear friend Katrina

This is from my mom

There are little things that mean something to me. Things that remind me of her.

 I have several pieces on the way and when I do I will be making a special blog about that. Also a blog about some wonderful groups that help grieving families.

I plan on getting a nice bigger set up once we move. A simple way to make me happy keep Natalia, in mind when giving us gifts. It means more than you will ever know.