What You expect and What You Get...

"Dying for some semblance of normalcy that will never come. My life will be so far from what I hope and expected of it. I love it but would kill for some quite times."

 

Another one of my recent statuses. When you get pregnant you have all these visions of what it will go like. How you will deliver, the health etc. First thing I will tell you is change your expectations. Seriously leave them at the door and prepare for reality. You can plan all you want it means NOTHING in the end. I pray you have that smooth, no issues, no symptoms (acid reflux started during the pregnancy that caused me to projectile vomit!), awesome pregnancy but you more than likely won't and if you do I might possibly more than likely hate your guts... Just kidding sort of. 

I am not saying set your expectations low but don't feel bad if it doesn't go as planned. You might just want to get used to it. Kids are a huge ball of crazy but exciting fun. I think the ONLY thing that went as planned for me was I had a c-section other than that nothing was what I planned. 

My life is not what I expected, I expected to have two healthy beautiful little girls. I have one healthy but far from "typical" little girl. I am not saying I don't love Aaliyah just as she is but I would much rather have Natalia and Aaliyah healthy and whole. If I could give my life to have Natalia here I would but it doesn't work that way. I don't get a to do it over, it is what it is and I will learn what I have to do and do it. 

I will always have something going on with Aaliyah and at some point I will update with the latest but I am still processing it myself. She has an uphill road, at some point I hope she can coast a little but not anytime in the near future. 

I end this with a little insight into my mind.... I am happy despite it all. Yes I am a little sad and some tough dates are in the near future but you know what.. a little secret... I am not alone, I am the mother of two special little girls and I will be strong for them.